Looking back and ahead…
On building GO (the GO Project) – Reflections sent on Tuesday, October 28, 2014 at 8:30 am.
I started writing this after we finished in Istanbul and before I reached you here in Yangon. I took some time to reflect on what we had just went through during the last months, and wanted to share some of this with you:
First of all, THANK YOU! I thank you for coming over to Istanbul. Thank you for choosing to share this experience with me after I wanted to come no matter what since it appeared to me to be a no-brainer opportunity at the time. Thank you for giving it all, for helping me, for testing me, for surprising me in so many ways I cannot even start enlisting (for good and not-so-good –although I mean it in a very positive way). Thank you for owning this whole thing –stepping up individually and as a Team–, for taking the lead when it was required and for following when needed; for challenging me, yourselves, and each other. Thank you for the fuckups, for the shortcomings, for the sadness, the anger, the fear, the risk, the (power) struggles, the fights, the arguments, the non-spoken thoughts, the non-shared feelings, the bullshit, the frustration, the ‘we-should’s, the mistakes, the daring-to-do, the lack of commitment and action, the fun, the laughter we shared, the dances, the drinks, the more-than-drinks, the hangovers, the meals (ooooooh, the meals), the fear, and the leap we all keep taking. But most of all, I thank us for remaining together through fear, uncertainty, awkwardness, bittersweetness, joy, happiness, self-discovery, listening, (mis)understanding, support aaaaaand I would dare to say love.
This has been, by faaaaaaar, the most challenging experience I have ever had, but again, by far –way-too-faaaaaaaaar–, the most rewarding and satisfactory one.
Second, I am deeply and truly sorry! I want to apologize with every one of you for failing you and us. I feel sorry I let you down so many times and in so many ways. I am sorry I could not step up, nor speak up, nor lead, nor follow, nor listen to, nor command, nor obey, nor collaborate, nor communicate, nor do, nor go more than once. I am sorry for my shortcomings, for not following up and through when it was required, for not pushing harder neither myself nor ourselves. I am sorry I did not hang out many times, I did not stay to work more, I did not include you in what I was planning/doing, and I didn’t include myself where I knew my help could be used. I lacked assertiveness at key moments and learnt I need to say 'no’, to stand for what I believe, to go further an additional extra mile to do the (extra) work. But most of all, I am so sorry I was just simply not there when it was required, and even more, when you needed me.
After feeling burnt out, exhausted, overwhelmed, hopeless, stuck and lost, I found myself feeling happy. I am glad I failed and fell because I had to do so to learn, for now I know I can be better and I want to be better for you, for us, for me, for what is still ahead of us, for what is expecting us in the near and far future.
Looking at the path ahead of us, and after the time we had this past weekend and the plans and projects we work on, I feel more confident than ever that there is no other way I would like this to be, no other thing I would rather be doing (nor even see myself doing), and no different people I would prefer to team up with to do this. As challenging as it is, I felt glad while answering Chloe’s answers when I noticed in my responses the progress we have made, how much we have grown, and how far we have gone.
As we all know very well by now, this is just the beginning. Again, I am sorry and I thank you for everything… yes, everything!
I am confident we can expect much more hardship, trials, obstacles, and crossroads, and along with them much more joy, learning, opportunities, rewards, satisfaction, and happiness!
More than ever before, it’s GO time.
I remember quite well the time it took me to write this email, along with the many insights I got throughout such a period of transition, right after we finished our project in Istanbul, and just before I left to Yangon. To honor the enlightenment I got back then, here’s to the memories that remind us what are we doing and why. May they keep serving their purpose and help along the way.
Panamá, Panamá. May 16, 2015. #ttt